Special Needs: Love and Family
I remember so vividly the days of paper-chasing. Amongst the
many piles, one paper stood out… the “special needs” paper requesting that we
make a selection of those special needs that were acceptable to us. My husband and I agonized over that paper. We
spent many hours, over several days, tearfully discussing and praying over what
we could handle taking into consideration that we already had three very
rambunctious boys. After all, we had always left that in God’s hands. Who were
we to make those decisions? How could we ever make them?
In
November 2005, our paper-chase was complete, and our dossier was logged in.
After prayerfully considering those special needs, we had made the decision to
go the “traditional” route for a “healthy” little girl. We thought it would be
the best decision for our family. We felt like we would not be equipped to
handle any extra care that might be required for a special needs child.
However, what we thought and what we felt were of little importance when God
was calling. As the wait for adopting “healthy” children began to increase, we
began to feel God tugging at our hearts and moving us in a different direction.
January 2006 would bring news of a waiting 16mth old little girl through our
agency’s waiting child newsletter. Our hearts were captured from the moment we
read the words in that email, and we knew that this was our little girl, our
Mia. We were blessed beyond measure to be accepted as this treasures’ forever
family. Yes, God had indeed turned us
in the direction of special needs!
God
would lead us to adopt 4 special needs children over the next 5 years. Each of
our children is distinctly unique and amazingly wonderful! Two of our children
were born with varying degrees of cleft lip/palate. Although, CL/CP is not an
“easy” special need, it is a very manageable one. Managing this special need
requires a devotion of time and energy. It is an ongoing process that requires
many years of attention including speech theraphy, surgical procedures and
working with a team of doctors for the continued care of the child. We are so
thankful for all the resources available to us and to a very talented and
devoted CP/CL team. One of our children, adopted as an older child, came to us
with many special needs. Some were diagnosed at the time of adoption, and some
have been discovered over time. The needs that we knew about included Hepatitis
B, Microtia /Atresia and hearing loss in one ear. Despite the fact that
Hepatitis B sounds intimidating, it is a very workable disease within the
modern parameters of western medicine. Dealing with this special need requires
trips to a hepatologist and keeping the health of the child in focus. Dealing with Microtia, Atresia and hearing
loss are only slightly more of a complication. Since our child was born with a
malformed ear, with little to no hearing in that ear, she had learned to listen
and hear with only one ear. After consulting with a specialist, the decision
was made to surgically form and give her a non-working ear. This constructive
surgery required 4 different surgeries spanning over one year. The benefit of
this type of surgery was two-fold for our daughter. In addition to giving her
self-esteem a boost, a constructed ear would give an avenue for future hearing
if necessary. We have since dealt with many other special needs for this child
including myoclonic epileptic seizures, facial asymmetry/ palsy, and Reactive
Attachment Disorder. Each of these special needs requires medical attention. In
addition, RAD requires lots of work and determination. Our youngest came to us
with the diagnosis of malnutrition and developmental delays. The papers we
received were a bit vague about a true diagnosis, and this child has been
thriving within the loving arms of our family. Depending on the severity of
this special need, it requires medical attention, additional nutrition and lots
of special care and love. Yet, none of these special needs (or any others for
that matter) prevents children from needing the love of a forever family, nor
should it. Really, the only special need these children have is the need for a
family! As we go about our everyday lives we often forget that our children
have special needs. Sometimes this repression is because we are so busy with
the sheer number of our children but in large part because we choose to forget.
We have always looked upon their needs as gifts from God…the things that make
them who they are to be. In fact, these special needs are so much a part of whom
they are that we forget that there are any differences.
Many times I look at my
children and think how very blessed I am. I think of all the joy that my
children bring to me, and I think “Look what we would have missed if we had not
followed God’s direction to these beautiful, loving, joyful children!” We look
at each of our children and see the beauty and love of God in each one. I often
pause thinking about the special
treasures that all of my children are to my husband and I, and I am overwhelmed
with God’s mercy, grace and love for each of us. I praise him for continuing to
love me, and for continuing to grow my love for my children. My husband and I cannot
imagine life without each one of our children, whether by birth or through the
beauty of adoption. Special needs
adoption is most assuredly a demanding and challenging quest, but Oh my! The joy is unequivocally in the journey!
Bio: I am a wife, mother and a self-proclaimed
Jesus freak. My husband and I have been happily married for almost twenty
years. We are the parents of 7 children... three boys by birth, two girls and
two boys through the beauty of adoption. We are enjoying the 10th
year of our homeschooling adventure. It is through the love of Jesus that I am
so blessed…blessed beyond my wildest dreams!
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